2 years ago today I said I do .
And at the time I had no idea what I was getting into . All I knew was the man standing across from me wanted to marry me . He was the first person who I told I loved and when I didn't get to see him everyday I missed him terribly .
And after this day we were going to wake up together every morning and go to bed every night together.
But let me tell you just because you decide to get married doesn't mean that everything in your world is going to fall into place and you are going to ride off in the sunset and live happily ever after .
These last 2 years have been hard. The same person you go to bed with at night sometimes you don't want to wake up next to them in the morning. And when you want to make decisions you have to ask another person opinion . You are tied to someone else at all times even when you're not .
Someone else's feelings have to be considered over your own .
And let me tell you because no one told me its HARD .
When you are a strong woman that has fought almost everyday of your life it's hard to root for someone else beside yourself. Love isn't a feeling because sometimes other feels take over . Love is an action. It's a choice that you have to make everyday and every minute .
I never thought I would get married. I never thought I would actually have a boyfriend. So when I actually got proposed to I was literally clueless.
I picked 6 girls that I
thought were going to be in my life forever. Honestly from the moment the ring was placed on my finger life changed and a fog set it. I was in a daze that fast- forward-ed my life. We got engaged on 1.29.12 We purchased a house by the end of March. I started a new job the 16th of April ( I decided to continue to work part time at my previous) . By May I didn't have anything done. But one night I woke up balling because I just felt that we needed to get married before anything happened to my GG.
From that moment JMN became my yes man and the check writer. He really wanted to wait but I couldn't continue to have this feeling that I had. We/I decided we should get married on the day he asked me to be his girlfriend Sept 9th. I didn't even care that it was on a Sunday. Who gets married on a Sunday is whatever said....
Then after having what I would call the first panic attack I've ever had in my life I wanted to cancel it all. I kept begging to just go to the courthouse. But JMN wouldn't budge . He has a huge family and he didn't want to disappoint them.
That's when I started hating the process. I didn't have a big family I couldn't understand why it mattered. I repeated over and over its just me and you . I don't care about anyone else just me and you.
By our wedding day I think I was falling apart. mentally. I have never in my life asked for as much assistance/ help from people. After having a 2 hour melt down in my office one night in June I called my boss to my job I've held for 5 years and told him I had to quit. I couldn't handle it anymore. I was fighting within and at work and then I had to pull it together before making it to my full time job.
Thank God for JMN's aunts because if it wasn't for them I have no idea what our wedding would have looked like.
On our wedding day I'd had enough. My hair wasn't me. But it was a gift . My make up was all wrong. I hadn't lost any weight, my relationships were falling apart, my hosts weren't answering their phones, a wedding guest that was staying at my house woke up in a bad mood. None of my girls stayed the night. I woke up feeling alone. Drained - excited - stressed.
It was hot outside - the music I wanted playing before the ceremony didn't work out well. I was listening to the most depressing song over and over again. Everyone kept asking me why but i was in an unshakable funk.
The guest started showing up and the tears started over flowing. I walked down to Whitney Houston's I believe in you and me. I made the most ugliest cry face as I walked down the steps all the way to my groom. He turned to face me and with the most stone wall face he mouthed to me. " stop crying"
The minister proceeded to read off his ceremony speech. Every time pronouncing my name incorrectly. I read vows from my cell phone from Google. JMN had is vows from Google as well. We pecked each other on the lips and TADA Mr. & Mrs. Nelson.
JMN parents hired a photographer and we hired a photographer. But their photographer basically bossed ours around. We have the most horrible boring generic photos . Something reminiscent of the early 90s. We actually took so long that our guest began to leave because there was no outside seating of our lodge. The rest was a blur.
But after all that happened we left and when we got home we sat in the middle of the floor surrounded by all these presents with new rings on our hands and 5 days of no schedules, no family, no friends or annoyances before us. Looking back I think that was the best part of our wedding.
And everyday since then we have come home to each other. Many days we retreat to other parts of the house and some we are in each others faces until we fall asleep . Some days I want to smother him with a pillow. But everyday I feel lucky, I feel loved, I receive affection, and I recognize that he loves me even when I don't deserve it.
Happy Anniversary to my other half. The person who has been teaching me for 8years what it means to love
hate someone is all about. I hope we continue to believe in one another. I hope we learn to compromise, grow, and continue to trust one another until death does us part.
