Dear MOM

Dear momma

Thank you for all the things you've done for me . I don't mean to sound generic but I realize that I did not grow up in the manner that you might have wished I would have .

I had a great childhood. I want you to know as a single parent you really went above and beyond to provide for me. I always had clothes on my back, my hair was combed, you took me to church, we vacationed , you made sure I went to a good school, you made sure I had a normal childhood.

Of course majority of those things I didn't realize weren't normal until I grew up. I realized that some parents don't work and they wait for other people to provide for their children . I realize that some parents don't instill morals, values or even have positive expectations for their children . Parents don't cook meals, help with homework or meet their children's teachers. 

But you did all of that and more.

As a single parent you raised me to be independent, caring , and giving .

Sometimes when I'm mad at you I don't remember all these things . I don't even think I've told you any of this before actually . 

As I got older I began to pick up on some of the hatred that you had for people. I learned that I didn't need anyone and I could/ would be better off on my own. Unfortunately I saw it as I no longer needed you. Because you could no longer provide me with my wants and needs in the current times as compared to my friends and their families .

In high school I needed you more than ever. I don't remember ever being home . I had a car that you paid insurance and gas for and I rode around every night until I decided I no longer wanted to live in your household. I never wanted to disrespect you. I never wanted you to ever think less of me . But I was doing things that I wasn't ready for. Things that I thought made me an adult . And the only person I had to talk and reason about it was myself .

I don't know anyone else who not allowed their 17 year old daughter to move out their house but also financially supported them .  

I went to college . And the distance between us really started . 

When I see you I can't tell you how depressed I get . There are a lot of girls my age that calls their mom their best friend . I happen to not be able to do that. You know nothing about me . I know nothing about you . We seem to be on different planets.

I am realizing that I am soooo broken . Our relationship is broken . I feel incapable of showing or expressing myself to you without tears . Then I feel embarrassed for even crying because I feel as if you would look down on me for doing so.

I so badly need us to be fixed . But I'm not sure if we've gone too long .

You failed to give me the correct view of life, self confidence, and relationships with men..................... I feel like you forgot to give me your key to life. Which I so desperately needed.